its hard to say.

Monday, May 30, 2005

the district sleeps alone tonight.
after the bosses turn off their lights.

chinese o's are finally over.so?nothing much.the road ahead seems dark long and everything except fun.dammit.chinese was screwy.wad can i say?since wen is chinese is good.i think i've to re-take chi again.this so sucks balls.sighs.
alicia if god was suppose to rank those we are holy from first to last.i'll be somewhere..at the back.like way back.heh.dont worry bout things alicia.just learn as you go along.that's what we're all supposed to do anyway.(:
i dont feel like going anywhere.i dont feel like doing anything.i only want to sleep!im too lazy to complete emaths.im too lazy to go fer majo's chalet.and im having famine camp this weekends.i dont have the strength to last through 30hrs my god.and im in same wierd group.mongolia.wad the hell.doesnt sound good.heh.
im so much to say yet i dont know how to put it.wells.im just bad with words.sighs.
i feel like skipping emaths tomorrow.8-10.its sucha dread boy!

cause its too important to stay the way its been.
theres no blame for how our love did slowly fade.
and now its gone its like it wasnt there at all.
and here i rest with disappointment and regret collide.
lyin awake at night.

*cause its just too late and we cant go back.im sorry i cant be perfect.nothing's gona change the things that you said.nothing's gona make it right again.please dont turn your head.(:

i did a rough sketch at 5:49 PM

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

this is my last resort.

the only thing that cheered me up today was...chinese tuition?boy i've gotta suck big time.who the hell finds join in chinese tuition.sighs.my register number thing is 0123.so michelle law.wad does it mean in any kind of dialect??any ideas?
gen thnks im therapeutic.thanks boy.its a compliment..quoting michelle law.we shall have fun and go fer ij hearbeat tomorrow.i owe germaine 5bucks.damn im broke.ATM MACHINE!
i hate school.i cant understand why teachers dont bother giving us the holiday homework durin the past two weeks wen we had absolutely nuthin to do.first the homework is gona come crashing down like huge waves.u noe "tao tian" fer chinese gals.or wadeva.den i've gotta settle all the shit and collect all the worksheets.we're running out of money.have actually ran out of money.dammit.
im so excited fer the absolutely humongous amount of trouble you'll are gona get me in.and im so freakin excited.i cannot wait fer tomorrow and somehow wish it'll come faster.thanks boy.i really appreciate it.maybe that's what friends are for.

i think you're aiight.but at the point in time.i dont really care.i've got nuthing to say.im too damn pissed.i wish you were here.at least i can vent my fustration on you.right.(:

i did a rough sketch at 10:01 PM

Sunday, May 22, 2005

when you learn how to die,you learn how to live.

im sorry if my entries are disturbing.u can firstly close the window.or secondly just continue reading it dammit.ok i dont really care what you do.thanks.wells.life has got to suck.im officially one week away from chinese o's.im nowhere near halfway fer chinese.i've got to buck up somehow.but guess wad.im relaxin now.watchin ms congeniality 2.gettin hooked on to tuesdays with morrie again.and i'll try to study chinese later..somehow.
life is wierd.it sucks.it goes up and comes down again.you dont know where the hell you're going.wad the hell you're doing and what the hell is goin to happen next.yea.and then i realised tad its true..without love you perish.its true.aint it.that's all i have to say.(:

and i miss your touch.it feels this rooms with memories.i cant forget.
i guess you're doin well enough.well enough to smile.thats good.aint it(:i hope you keep it up this way.i realised the only times i hate you is wen results come out.this sucks boy.i'll be there still.its only a passing thing i guess.see yer rounnd.have a good break!and do rest enough too!(:

i did a rough sketch at 11:54 PM

Friday, May 20, 2005

you can stay and watch me fall.

my com is still not reading my mp.wad the fuckin hell is wrong with it.maybe i just shouldnt bother so much.i hate life at this point.really sucks balls.nothing seems to be going the right way.can someone tell me why?why the fuck does life turn out like that?everything's so screwd.im not happy with it.why the fuck do i feel like that?why?wads my damned fuckin problem.feel like some fuck.i wan a hole so that i can crawl into it and never..never come out.maybe that way i'll feel much better.i feel so unaccomplished.and i haven woken up yet.i don know why there's no panic button on me.i cant push anything.thats something that doesnt exist in my fucking life.fuckin hell.this sucks big time.someone please enlighten/help me.there's so much to say but i dont know how to do it.dammit.

you're fine i hope.you're tired.i can tell.at least you're gona be able to rest during the weekends.do rest enough!at least you're smiling.(: that's good.wells.take care.i'll always keep you in my heart!(: you must go on.i realised some things.a little wierrd but yea.the phrases just struck me like..like that?i guess its true.and the hard times only made us stronger.i'll never be the same without you.as i sit here all alone.i wonder how im suppose to carry on when you're gone.you allowed me to stay who i was.but you changed me in a very different way.thanks.i appreciate it.but i know somehow you dont realise it.

i did a rough sketch at 11:34 PM

Thursday, May 19, 2005

so take me away from this empty apartment.

fuck.my computer is not reading my mp.fuckin hell.
life is a failure isnt it.dammit.life sucks to the balls now.kinda reminds me of the linkin park song.i tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesnt even matter.this really sucks boy.crap.
wad the fuck is wrong with my computer.it is so pissing me off.its time to start gettin down to work.chinese o's are comng.and guess wad i haven even fuckin started and i dont know how to.nothing seems to be going my way.fuck life.screw it.

you dont even seem to care.why should i?maybe we'll just give this up and forget bout it aiight.you go do your stuff and i'll do mine.you're as screwd up as i m.admit it.only thing is that you're cleverer.but not much.trust me.you suck as much as i do too.and that's fuck.but too bad.however.i'll always be there.(:

i did a rough sketch at 12:06 AM

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

get me away from here,i'm dying.
play me a song to set me free.

today is totally screwd.i fell asleep at 8.woke up at 9 plus.damned alarm clock.now i dont feel like studying please.sucks balls.
im supposed to be more focused.first mid yrs are back and i didnt exactly do very well.secondly chinese o's are comin.i'm like screwing up my life.tads like..damn fucked up.but wells..i'm at a lost.i dont know what to do now.

it really sucks seeing you like that.i dont know what happened today.i hope everything will turn out find.i really wish you would start cheering up.it'll do you some good.trust me.somehow i know that everything will still remain the same tomorrow.but i wish..and hope that it'll be..different.

i did a rough sketch at 10:46 PM

Sunday, May 15, 2005

get me away from here,i'm dying.

hello all.im back to blog again.argh sucks.i dont think anyone blog as much as i do.what can i do.its 145pm and i havent had lunch yet.firstly cause im too lazy to walk to get lunch.secondly my bro doesnt wana do it either.thirdly my mum has some kind of excuse.thanks ar.where's lunch?
im tryin to complete all those emaths papers.and i think i sorta lost them.the our school ones.or did we hand them in.and i haven no more graph paper.how am i gona do my maths!i wish tuition would start soon den i can learn chinese.heh.
im off to find food.dammit.

i guess you're still feeling down.cheer up.i wish i knew you better.then maybe i could cheer you a lil bit.but i guess i cant now.all the best.(:

i did a rough sketch at 1:45 PM

Saturday, May 14, 2005

like a lily among thorns dont leave me please.

i blog too much.im gona be late fer my haircut.i need the toilet badly.i think i ate too much yesterday and there's a whole lot of undigested food in my body.dammit.i dont think i'll be bloggin much anymore.would i?i dunno.
school makes me sick.studying makes me wana die.teachers make me wana cry.heh.wells im rumbling.and im seriously gona be late fer my haircut.
i intend to buy mushrooms on the way back and cook.heh.nikki watch out.u cant beat my super expert cookin skills.seriously nikki cant cook.sighs.sad life huh.
wells peace out people.
have a good weekend.

i hope everything will be aiight on tues when i see you.dont try hiding it.your eyes gives you away.please smile like you used to.(:

i did a rough sketch at 12:42 PM

Friday, May 13, 2005

im waiting here for you to act.and somehow.there's no reaction.

today wasnt the best of days.and the days to come wont be any good.my heart's beating faster and faster.i feel wierd sometimes with that little tinkle thing in me that i dont know how to describe.there's nuthing much i want to blog about for once.so much shit going on in life.lets hope i can pull through.i thank you lord.i dont wanna forget bout that.please keep in me constant reminder.thanks.
im too engrossed in my book.i'll get back later.anyway there's some things i've to start now or never.dammit.i'll be needing help pretty soon.

cheer up please.i really am not used to seeing you like that.i know how u feel deep down inside.and cause of the job you'r covering it.i admire your courage but please.cut yourself some slack.i wish you all the best.(:

i did a rough sketch at 10:29 PM

Thursday, May 12, 2005

im proud to say that i now own an mp3.thanks to ds fer accompanyin me to sim lim to get one.and great thanks to u fer talkin to sean half the time.heh.im joking.its pretty cool.only thing is that my freaking nice songs in my other computer cant get into the darn mp.dammit.all my freakin nice songs.wells.darn.thanks to nicholas whose sending me nice songs and to nat to.love yer guys.
today was an okay day i guess.my mum found out bout the mp in 5 mins.thanks to my bro who annouced it to the world after seein it on the table.im shocked he knew it was an mp.argh.his gettin smarter by the moments.damned.

im sad to see you like that.somehow i wish you could cheer up.and probably let go.its time to.i wish you all the best.hope to see you in top form soon.thanks for the compliments btw.

i did a rough sketch at 9:02 PM

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

thought this was pretty interesting.so i've to blog bout it.
this week's gona be bloggin week.o fuck.

10 random things about me:
im bored half the time.
i dont like to think.
i wan to play pool all day.
i dont wana stay in singapore anymore.
i wana go to australia.
i think i drink too much.
however i dont do drugs.
im suck at studying.
i love taking pictures when im in the right mood.
tchers probably think im a disaster.why m i always against them?

9 places i've visited:
places?wells if it counts
sydney
perth
vegas
l.a
san fransisco
melbourne
malaysia
san josea
montury bay

8 things i wana do before i die:
tell my mum or anyone i wan my ashes to be thrown into the sea
get a hot lookin auzzie.
ride a bike.
go clubbing.
get drunk.
play at least one musical instrument.
eat till i drop.
watch the sunrise/sunset with someone special.

7 ways to win my heart:
have nice blue eyes.
sense of humor n a good one please.
sweet talk i guess.
good dress sense.
seem flawless although full of flaws.
musically inclined somehow.
just be yourself.

6 things that annoys me:
fuckholes.
mosquitos.
singapore's education system.
people who are fake.
my brother.
that dude who doesnt know a shit but acs as though she/he does.

5 things im afraid of:
commitment.
screwing up my life although its pretty darn screwd.
height.
death.
me not being me.

4 favourite hangouts:
bed.
monster.
town.
someone's house.anyone's house.not mine.

3 things i do everyday:
eat.
sleep.
talk.

2 things i want to do right now:
read my book.
to love and be loved.

1 person i wan to see right now:
my wonderwall.

i did a rough sketch at 10:40 PM

im happy today.
not only happy i happened to be over-the-moon.
its not even the moon dammit.its like over the universe.

today was pretty slack.the only productive thing we did was lit.mrs kuna didnt come fer emaths.darn.den bio was aiight.didnt do much.just talked.chi was usual.i cant believe we aint gona get prelims back till next week.and it was the first exam.wad the hell.amaths.mr ng told us how we did.we know that his marks for bio was very accurate and lit.mr ng the tchers havent even started marking!
tomorrow's gona be a whole new day.with a whole new beginning.wait.there's darn english situational.i've gotta go dig up all th formats which i obviously have no idea where the hell i dumbed it after the last eng paper.good lord.then i guess we'll be gettin back the papers for the
rest of the day.maybe i dunno.

i hope you're doing pretty darn fine.though i cant seem to say anything rite just be happy.that's all i can say..can i..

i did a rough sketch at 7:50 PM

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

9:27pm
yea im updating again.i think im addicted or something.
town was aiight.lunched at marche.had steak which was yummilicious.mashed potato.walked round.stopped by at starbucks.stopped by at crystal jade as i was hungry.bought stripes shirt.orange and blue i think.nikki and sonn reckoned it was the nicest color out there.old chang kee was good.borders was aiight.dinner was fine.home's great..for once..
i figured out im probably gona slack the whole week.firstly cause im too tired to do anything.all those darn late nights and studying.plus tuitions have been cancelled.tutors need a break too i guess.so hectic lifestyle shall only begin next week.
i wana get
-an mp3
-the sweater at 77th street
-the hooded shirt
wells thats all for now.but its all so ex.i've only got money for one.and i guess i choose the mp3.the radio in my handfone is as screwd as ever.my handfones dont seem to lsat.crap.

let me run away and get drunk leaving all my worries in this o-so-fucked up world.
___________________________________________________________________
im at nicole moosa's house now.and my eyes are painfully tired.another day in town is all i have to say.history paper wasnt that bad.at least i guessed correctly.im spot on dude.heh.thanks mrs selvam for helping me keep all those histroy faggot notes and that darn book.i'll collect it tomorrow thank you.
goin to town in half an hour.ar boy its town and i wana sleep.im tired.all the late nights and lessons resume tomorrow.school please get a fuckin life.not even one days break.i know o's are these yr but cant you even spare one day.you've got to be fuckin kiddin if you say you cant boy.
today is gona be slack day.and wen i say slack i mean slack.i'm gona sleep eat watch tv.and hopefully pon school tomorrow.nah just jokin.i'll be there but o wells.dreadin it.good education system i guess makes you dread school like nobody's fuckin business.
its time to go find moosa and sonn who's somewhere round the house dressing up.the songs are giving me a headache.argh crap.its really the darn lack of sleep i tell you.im addicted to time of your life.
happy birthday dawn my bestiee junior!

its something unpredictable.
but in the end that's right.
i hope you have the time of your life.

i did a rough sketch at 10:29 AM

Monday, May 09, 2005

its history tomorrow.im sitting in front of the computer bloggin and watchin desperate houswives.for once mr ng.history sucks.ever since this yr history really sucks.and i wonder why.you should start wondering why too.history i screw you tomorrow.
bloody hell.fuckin crap.why wont they just give us a break?

i just figured out something.
some things just never change.
[what you said is true.its true.you are actually kinda sensble huh.]

we were meant to live for so much more.
i was meant to live for so much more.

i did a rough sketch at 10:29 PM

i did a rough sketch at 10:22 PM

its 207am dudes of the world.and im falling sick.argh.fuck.

im always amazed at how people get along so well with a mask over their face.i often wonder how this people get by with their lives.and while i wonder and think bout this i come to a sudden realisation that maybe..only maybe i m like that too.and i ask myself.how the fuckin hell did i get to this point of my life.why do i have that mask over my face.what is it bout me that i've gotta hide from the whole world and not allow them to see it.why the hell am i being so secretive for?whats the damn point?if people accept you they do.if they dont.they dont.its their lost anyway.
i also wonder why people are in such a hurry to grow up.i never want to grow up.i wish i was in neverland.only kids are happy.look at those fuckin screwd up adults in our lives.i never wana be like them.being a kid is cool.u aint got that huge a responsibility.and u do get away with it.u enjoy life till its fullest.only at this age can we live life to its fullest.when you grow up and make certain that you want your life to go in a certain direction you realised that what you tot were ur dreams no longer are.instead its something that ties you down and guess what.there aint no way u can come out from it.so is it that fun growing up.yea maybe you become more mature and start having clearer points of view.but is that all needed if you just stay a kid.little kid with no worries.how i envy them.yes and then there are people around who cant wait to grow up.why?why?why?
now i know why people often say life's a fuck.often times it is.and its proven.concrete solid evidence.shows in our everyday life.i guess we've all got to accept it.nothing will ever go your way so maybe we'll should just try to accept everything no matter how fucked up it could be.
i often wonder what people will do if they saw a vagabond sitting on the corner of the street.since vagabonds are not commonly seen in singapore.wad would we do.stare at that person and wonder wad kinda retarded freak that is and den you realise ur walkin pace increases.go up to that person and lend a helpin hand in whatever way you can.or not even notice the damned person is there.in society today people are often more caught up with their own lives and they dont bother bout what's goin around them.they have this me.myself.and i thing.people around them are often neglected.whether they're strangers friends or family.no one bothers anymore.but y?society slowly evolves and so does the people livin in it.quite a sad thing.and now you know why the government has to teach us moral values.with each generation moral values are slowly disappearin into thin air.c'mon look at me.see ss isnt that useless after all.wells.i wonder why this random thoughts only start attackin my o-so-small brain at unearthly hours of the night.its wierd isnt it how the brain sets u thinkin bout some stuff.

i wish i only saw the good side of things.

gotta go back to history since i dont think i'll be sleepin.you'll probably see another blog entry at 4 plus.if i manage it that late into the night.o wells i dono.
au revoir.

i did a rough sketch at 2:07 AM

Sunday, May 08, 2005

with this laptop i think i'll be bloggin everydayits fuckin convenient.can surf in my room and stuff.tads darn good ey.
i juz woke up.had a late night yesterday.yea i mean late.like fuckin 3am in the mornin.wells.thats my life aint it.its mum's day.my mum aint home.i have no idea where she wen.hotel california is being played repeatedly over the computer.i love the song.fer some reason.altho its so darn old.but yea.its cool.its rainin here and its dark.i need to do hist i still have three chapts to go?darn fuckin shit.its gona be over soon.but its gona start again.

with weary hearts.i walk towards tomorrow.hoping one day i'll be able to see the bright light.with my heart beating faster and faster.i feel the excitement.the rush of blood to my head.and that feeling's good.too good to be true.and then i see you.(:

i wish lunch would get back faster.im bloody darn hungry.history here i come.i somehow dont believe im productive cause its like nuthing's gettin into my peabrain head.and mr ng saed the paper was hard.fuck.

good bye world.i'll be on tonight again...

i did a rough sketch at 1:12 PM

i really remember the times i had.there were good times and bad.primary school and secondary school.it was my life.now it seems like its gone.and the only thing left is those memories tad are carved on my heart.nuthing more.nuthing less.
it seems like this endless road where u aint noe where u're headin.you're juz walkin down it.maybe thats my blvd of broken dreams.
its saddennin and this heartenin but at least i have those memories.
hey u'll.."would you be my memory."

im so tired of waiting.
and i was thinkin to myself this could be heaven or this could be hell.
we are all just prisoners here of our own device.

i did a rough sketch at 1:14 AM

Saturday, May 07, 2005

i promise i'll get down to hist in ten minutes.

random thought for the day:
im loving myself more and more each day.with everyday that passes i see a glimmer of hope.i see a star shining in the sky.i see you.but why is it you disappear so quickly.why dont you stay a little longer?i'll always be here missing you.
im hungry.i wish my chicken rice would come back quicker.
its time to go..
i hate goodbyes.
see yer later.

i did a rough sketch at 12:54 PM

its 144am on the clock.
and im up here updating.
i juz changed the template.
after hours coz the shit ass laptop has no mouse.
and im dyin without one.
its touchin thing is so sensitive.

today is the second last paper.
amaths wasnt as bad.
wen to sonn's house.
played in the pool.
and pooled.
yes i pooled.was awesome.
didnt do anything very much productive.
lunch at crystal jade.ate yogurt.
it was fun and we were so turned on.
thanks sonn fer letting us go to yer house.
thanks moosa and sonn fer the great day.

and i think back upon the times we had and i sometimes wonder why it turned out like tad.and i wonder if you ever wondered.but maybe somehow it doesnt bother you.but i guess now u noe how bad it is for someone to turn their back on you.i guess u noe how bad it is to be alone in this world with no one to turn to.u get hurt but u move on.isnt tad life?
this week's the exam week.so many things to do.yet u see hu's true to u and hu's not.u realise and find people hu once was a nobdy now is a somebody.they are ur pillar of support.the ones hu stick to u through the hard times are the one tad stick to u forever and the rest are all plastics. and i thank god fer those people around me.
ming.i finally understand.and i hope u do too.i juz wonder y we didnt "meet" earlier.life would probably have been better.
god is not unfair.how can he be?he has his reasons fer doin things.but somehow we as humans to do understand his way.life goes wrong.u live fucked up meaningless life.but how many million people think tad their lives are as screwd.they think tad they should juz die.but guess wad.life only sucks because u think it does.u can only blame urself fer not livin it up to the fullest.
and my random thoughts jus plungin in from every corner of my brain.i haf so much to sae.yet im drained.drained of energy in every wae.livin a life[whether fulfilled or not] is very tiring.
well..lord if u cant make the challenges i face smaller.please make me stronger.

im too tired to go on.
i need to get to bed.
i need to bombard myself wif hist tomorrow.

before that.
this is a tribute to my mum...to all mums.
mothers are the greatest thing on earth
how many of u can raise ur hand n sae u can survive without your mum.
no matter how big a bitch she is.
she's still ur mum.
she brought you up.
she cared fer you.loved you.protected you.
at the risk of losing her life.
it is because of her tad u're you.
its time we appreciated wad she did.
not only on mother's dae but ferever.
mum i love you.
happy mother's day.

good nite world.

i did a rough sketch at 1:44 AM